We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
