I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
