i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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