Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
