I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
