HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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