I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
sarcasm needs its own font
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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