I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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