How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
