I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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