I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
the condom got lost in my hair
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize