This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
