i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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