I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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