Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
i've created a new STD.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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