I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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