I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
there is puke in my bra ... again
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