The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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