hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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