that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
