Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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