Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
