We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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