Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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