she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
