It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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