He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
