please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Send help, water and tortillas.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
