I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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