I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
