I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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