Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
