Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
