Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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