After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize