Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
