She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
