I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
