I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
