i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
