and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
