We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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