im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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