I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
