my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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