I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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