i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
