I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We have so much sex to catch up on
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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