Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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