Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
