my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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