It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
