My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
