he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
They took my balls.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
