I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
