I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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