Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
