he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
