3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
