Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
