no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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