You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
