I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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