Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
