He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
