Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize