Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
what day is it and did you see me today?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
