On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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