You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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