It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
