all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
then he tried to convert me to islam
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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